Light Lenten Reflections

Week 2

Godzilla in the Garden

(and How to Whine About It...)

Vegetable gardening in a yard on a pond has its challenges. In addition to the usual suspects that wreck havoc during the growing season – deer, rabbits, raccoons, the occasional neighborhood dog – I have to contend with marauding geese and turtles of unusual size.* I've learned what vegetables need fencing to keep out deer and what fencing needs reinforcement to prevent rabbits and raccoons from chewing through to the lettuce and chard. And so, it was with no little consternation I watched a large family of geese march out of the pond and head toward my garden where they mowed down a large section of the new grass I had seeded several weeks before on the path between my vegetable beds. Dad Goose, Mom Goose and a dozen or more grass-eating preadolescent offspring! Really??!!

Later, the same season, I planted my usual two hills of zucchini, dirt mounds of freshly dug soil each with four seeds, later to be thinned to two plants on each hill. No critter had ever bothered these unfenced squash, so I was mystified as well as annoyed when I looked out a few days later to see the zucchini hills gone, completely flattened. I went outside in time to see a gigantic snapping turtle slowly making her way back to the pond. Images from the first Godzilla movie came to mind. This behemoth had risen out of the pond like it was Tokyo Bay, had stomped on the Tokyo that was my zucchini crop, and was now returning to the water. A Godzilla-like snapping turtle had just destroyed part of my garden! SERIOUSLY???!!!

It was only a vegetable garden, and I could replant the zucchini. But what about the spiritual Godzillas who wreck our walk with God in the garden of our lives? Adam and Eve had a Godzilla in the first garden in the form of a serpent. That beast seriously wrecked the garden for them, putting questions in their minds ultimately leading them to disobey God and eating of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. That action ruined the easy walk with God they had been taking for granted and cost them the garden. And how did they respond when God called them out on their disobedience? Adam: The woman gave me the fruit. Eve: The serpent lied to me. Blamers, both.

I confronted my own spiritual Godzilla in recent years in the form of physical adversity. First, a diagnosis, dire, but fixable. Just cut out the offending body part and spend the rest of my life taking a synthetic medication to replace the natural version the offending body part was in charge of making, and then, excellent prognosis. Really, God? Now? I've got plans, things that need doing. What are You thinking? A second diagnosis followed closely on the heels of the first. Unrelated, equally dire, but also fixable. Just pump my body full of noxious chemicals for six months, then surgically rearrange parts of it. Again, excellent prognosis, except the new normal doesn't seem very normal. Really, God? REALLY????!!!!! I've already had my quota of bodily woe. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING???

Somewhere in the midst of Godzilla stomping around on my body and on my lovely spiritual garden life, a friend of my husband's gave me a book, Walking with God Through Pain and Suffering by Timothy Keller. A dense book on the subject of suffering, the first two thirds of it look at the subject from every cultural and theological point of view. The last third is practical application, i.e., what to do when Godzilla strikes. Keller takes an in-depth look at Job, the biblical model of undeserved suffering who had every area of his life stomped on by adversity. He loses his children, his servants, his livestock and livelihood, eventually his bodily health. As one can imagine, Job doesn't always express his feelings in a spiritually noble way. His life is in shambles, and his friends trying to make sense of it all with him just make matters worse. But Job consistently looks to God, and unlike Adam and Eve, Job does not hide from Him, and God is very affirming of Job in the end. Keller comments on God's vindication of Job:

But why would God be so affirming of Job? Job cursed the day he was born, challenged God's wisdom, cried out and complained bitterly, expressed deep doubts. It didn't seem that Job was a paragon of steady faith throughout. Why would God vindicate him like that?' The first reason is that God is gracious and forgiving. But the crucial thing to notice is this: Through it all, Job never stopped praying. Yes, he complained, but he complained to God. He doubted, but he doubted to God. He screamed and yelled, but he did it in God's presence. No matter how much in agony he was, he continued to address God. He kept seeking him. And in the end, God said Job triumphed. How wonderful that our God sees the grief and anger and questioning, and is still willing to say “you triumphed” - not because it was all fine, not because Job's heart and motives were always right, but because Job's doggedness in seeking the face and presence of God meant that the suffering did not drive him away from God but toward him. And that made all the difference. As John Newton said, if we are not getting much out of going to God in prayer, we will certainly get nothing out of staying away.

Ever since Sr. Joan Bernadette told our second grade first communion class prayer was talking to God, I've taken it literally. Sometimes I talk nicely and sometimes I don't. Sometimes my talk is praise and gratitude. Other times it's whining and complaining. I direct my grumblings and anger toward God and count it as prayer. It was comforting to be reminded from Keller's comments on Job that God counts it as prayer also. Like Job, I can have my moments of challenging God, bitter complaining and deep doubts. I can voice my fears and frustrations to God and even question what in heaven's name is God thinking when I can't see His purposes or reasons for some inscrutable circumstance. The gracious and forgiving God who was so affirming of Job is the same God who created me to walk with Him in a garden. It's freeing to know I don't have to be on my best behavior or have on my best attitude to walk with Him. I need only to keep my eyes on Him and, like Job, do my complaining, doubting, screaming and yelling to God and in His presence. When I get stomped on, leveled by whatever circumstance, I can come to Him as is. Godzilla-ravaged or not, God calls me to walk with Him just as I am.

Something to Ponder:

Has Godzilla stomped and leveled some part of your life or the life of someone you love? How free do you feel to express the pain and frustration of that to God? Do you hide from God until you feel “good” again, or can you come to Him as is?

Something to Pray:

Grab a Bible or biblegateway.com and read Psalm 13. The psalmist goes from boldly questioning God to trusting and praising Him. Ask God to give you the freedom to do both, to honestly be able to flow from questioning and doubt to trust and praise. If there is Godzilla damage in your life, spend some time talking to Him about it. Ask for the ability to be real in your relationship with Him.

God sees us as we are, loves us as we are, and accepts us as we are. But by His grace, He does not leave us as we are. - Timothy Keller

*Yes, they exist!