Not So Light Lenten Reflections
Week 4
What a Mouth...
If you are a regular reader of the Bible, or, perhaps, have a favorite devotional you have read repeatedly over the years, you may have experienced the phenomenon I'm about to talk about. It's the strange thing that happens periodically, at least for me, when I'm suddenly confronted by a scripture verse or a sentence in a devotional that I know I must have read many times before but I feel like I'm seeing it for the first time. As absurd as I know it must be, when this occurs, I internally blurt out, “Where did that come from? Was that there before? I'm pretty sure it wasn't!” Of course, it was there before, but before that moment I probably wasn't ready to see/read/hear/understand it and, now for some reason, I am. The time is right.
My last “Where did that come from?” moment occurred recently when I came across Luke 21:14-15 in my time in scripture:
Settle it therefore in your minds not to meditate beforehand how to answer, for I will give you a mouth and wisdom, which none of your adversaries will be able to withstand or contradict.
Jesus is talking to his disciples about the time coming when the temple in Jerusalem will be destroyed and persecution and imprisonment will follow. As sometimes happens in Jesus' teachings, he talks about two events at once. Here, he talks simultaneously about the temple, which would be destroyed in 70 A.D., and his second coming at the end of time. Both events would be difficult for his followers and would require huge amounts of trust in God to get through those times. Though the word “trust” is not in the above scripture, for some reason it shouted “Trust!” to me as I read this verse, seemingly for the first time.
Like many off-the-scale introverts, I'm very much an internal processor. Meditating beforehand is how I operate. Most of my conversations have been rehearsed multiple times before I open my mouth. In corporate settings, it has been suggested that supervisors supply questions for meetings ahead of time to all employees that are to attend the meeting. This allows those introverts, often deep thinkers with excellent ideas, to prepare what they might want to share at the meeting. If the questions are sprung cold on these introverts at the meeting, they are more likely to remain silent because they haven't had enough time to “meditate beforehand.”
But back to Luke...Of course I had read the verses before, but in my old NIV Bible where it says,
But make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will defend yourselves...
The NIV allowed me to read these words as an emotional issue, worrying being something I have little control over. Easy, peasy, I could say. Just give it over to Jesus. Somehow, when I read the words in my ESV Bible, they had a much greater impact on me. Meditating, defined as to think deeply or carefully about something, to plan mentally or consider, seemed like something I was more responsible for. I was struck with some dismay at the wording of the verses, as though it was speaking directly to me. If it was, then I was being told to settle it in my mind not – NOT! – to do what I've always done, to rehearse, to plan mentally, to make sure I had all my words right before I opened my mouth. “Wait!” I wanted to shout, “Isn't thinking about what I want to say before I open my mouth a good thing?” Generally, yes, but in thinking on this scripture, I realized how much I was trusting myself and my intellect and deep thinking and my wording of things. I didn't leave any room for what God might want me to say in any given situation. Being somewhat new to this true trust thing*, was I willing to learn another way of speaking? The scripture in Luke says that Jesus himself with give me “a mouth and a wisdom”, which none of my adversaries would be able to withstand or contradict. A mouth! Like “She's got some mouth on her.” That sounded sassy and more than a little scary to me.
In contemplating these words, I became acutely aware how much of my communicative energy is tied up in wanting to say the right thing according to my definition of what that right thing might be. God was reminding me that He could be leaned upon, trusted totally to allow me to say what I am supposed to say, what He would want me to say, in any given situation. I might not be facing the adversaries of end times persecution in my verbal interactions, but for introverts like me, most conversations have an adversarial vibe to them. Social situations with friends, difficult conversations with family members, uncomfortable conflicts with neighbors, random incidents with complete strangers – they all require a communicative energy that if I have to muster up myself, I will always fall short. Did I believe that God could give me a mouth and wisdom for all these situations? Was I willing to ask for His words, given in His timing, in all my conversations instead of automatically defaulting to my internal processing? Could I trust Him with this part of my being? After all, He knows how He made this introvert. I guess I can trust Him to give me a mouth...
*See Week 1 for my “Oh, Sweetie, you've never trusted me...” epiphany.