Working with the Gift

Who would have thought? There it was, on the stage of the Academy Awards...in the opening monologue of Saturday Night Live...the age-old, on-going theological discussion of “faith” versus “works”. The unwitting, oblivious theologians? Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. Well, actually, they didn't use the words “faith” and “works”. They used the words “gift” and “work”, which is close enough for me to weigh in on their discussion.

In his acceptance speech as producer of the movie Argo, Ben acknowledged his wife, Jennifer Garner, in these words “I want to thank you for working on our marriage for ten Christmases. It’s good, it is work, but it’s the best kind of work, and there’s no one I’d rather work with.”

In the post-Oscar chatter that followed, Ben took some flack for his use of the word “work” in describing his marriage. A few weeks later, during his opening monologue on SNL, he was joined on stage by his wife, and the now infamous speech came up. He asked her what word she would have used instead. Her response: "Gift! I would have said, 'Thank you to my wife, our marriage is a gift!'”

And there it was again – the somewhat difficult relationship between “gift” and “work”, or “grace” and “works”, or “faith” and “works” or...

Entertainment value aside, I'd like to think Ben and Jennifer went home that night and acknowledged the fact that they were both right. That marriage is both work and a gift.

I've always looked at my relationship with the Lord as like a marriage. I can look at my early life and see God pursuing me, courting me. Then there came a point I felt called to take a serious look at this God and decide whether I wanted to go on with Him for the rest of my life. How could I resist a relationship with Someone Who was willing to die for me, in fact, actually did die for me? He, on the other hand, required nothing of me – no dowry, no promises of great spiritual cooking or homemaking skills, certainly no spiritual beauty of my own. He asked only one thing – that I believe in Him, have faith in Him and His promises for me. He offered this to me as a free gift, nothing that I had to earn or pay for to enter into, a relationship bought with His own blood. Did I want to enter into this relationship forever on these terms? I said “I do”...

There is an exciting intimacy in the early days of marriage, and it was no different in my early days with the Lord. Prayer and worship came easy and joyfully, wanting the same things that God wanted was almost effortless. The desire to do the things that I felt He wanted me to do I would do willingly and obediently. The extended honeymoon was all grace and gift.

Then came a time when easy, joyful, effortless, willingly and obediently didn't seem to be quite that any more. The love, the commitment, the gift of the relationship didn't change, but the almost effortless forward momentum was not there anymore, not in the same way it had been. The honeymoon, in a way, was over. That's when thoughts of the “w” word first crept in...

Much of the work of making marriage great is simply doing the things that need to be done on a regular basis whether one feels like doing them or not, making the choice to love and connect when the intensity of the feeling might not be what it once was. As a newlywed, doing laundry, cooking a special meal, can seem like a love gift to one's spouse. As a not-so-newlywed...no, laundry just needs to be done, people need to eat... But somewhere in doing the wash and making the meal there is contained a certain pleasure on both sides when you see he looks great in that shirt, when he enjoys that lasagna.

Prayer, worship, intimate connection with God over the years does take work. Fortunately, God does the heavy lifting. His dying for me was the ultimate work. In that incredible task, He accomplished all the work that needed to be done for our relationship. His work provides for the works I could not do myself. And any of the work I do do for our relationship comes from faith in His great work, already done, first and perfectly. I can muddle on, knowing that my truly “better half” will love and cover my imperfect work. So I aim to spend time and connect with the Lord everyday in the same way that I aim to spend time and connect with my husband. Some times it is still effortless, and other times it takes on the feel of work, work that I know is good and life-giving to the relationship, or as Ben says, “...the best kind of work, and there’s no one I’d rather work with.” But that work does not replace or supersede the gift-ness or grace of the relationship, that commitment and connection. It does not add anything more to the reality and substance of God's original proposal to me – that I believe in Him, have faith in Him and His promises for me – any more than icing adds to the reality and substance of a great chocolate cake. It just allows it to taste sweeter...

For it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - -Ephesians 2:8

What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? - James 2:14