Light Lenten Reflections

Week 4

The Freedom of the Forgiven Forgiver

John was very, very angry with his brother.

Our prayer group was going through a book on forgiveness and had just finished looking at the chapter on forgiving those close to us. Because most of the books and studies we tackled in our group were just an excuse to open up areas we needed to pray about, it was not surprising that John* asked for prayer regarding the situation with his brother.

A few years earlier, after finishing a stint in the military, John's brother had disappeared. None of his siblings had heard from him, and, most troubling to John, his brother, the baby of the family, had not contacted their mother. She was sad and distraught over the long unexplained silence, worried that her youngest child might have come to serious harm. The longer the absence dragged on, the angrier John had become. He was angry at his brother for the pain he was causing their mother, seeing the brother as a thoughtless, immature child with no concern for the feelings of others. During our study on forgiveness, John was convicted of his anger and rotten attitude toward his youngest sibling. John asked for us to pray with him as he waded through the muck of his unforgiveness. As we gathered around John in prayer, he talked to God about his feelings for his brother, both good and bad. As he gave over all the negative feelings to God, asking God to forgive him, John then moved on to talking to God about forgiving little brother. By the end of the prayer time, John had a peace and lightness about him he hadn't felt for a long time. Good, we thought, John has truly received God's forgiveness for his attitude and has finally forgiven his brother. We all went home that night privileged to be witnesses to John's openness and determination to learn to forgive and be forgiven.

Well, as it happens with so many God-stories, this one wasn't over yet. When John returned to prayer group the following week, he was beyond excited. The day after John had prayed for God's forgiveness and the ability to forgive, little brother had called his mother. He told mom he had left the military wanting to find his own way in the world, apart from family. The longer he stayed away, the easier it was for him to remain detached. He had met a girl, married her and had a child. Could they all come home for a visit? Of course, mom-now-suddenly-grandmother said yes. Toward the end of the conversation, mom asked her prodigal why it had taken him so long to call, so long to contact anyone in the family. He acknowledged how much pain he must have inflicted on the family and then said, “I didn't think any of you would be able to forgive me.”

Forgiving and being forgiven, such a powerful twosome. When Jesus was teaching his disciples to pray, the forgiveness part of the Lord's Prayer reflects this duality. “...forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors...” - “...forgive us what we owe to you, as we have also forgiven those who owe anything to us...” - “...forgive us our sins, just as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us...” Choose your Bible translation, but each captures the “and” of being forgiven and forgiving. John had asked to be forgiven of his anger toward his brother. Receiving this gracious gift of God enabled him to forgive his brother. John's forgiveness of little brother, consciously unknown to him but spiritually communicated to him in ways that only God can fully explain, gave little brother the freedom to pick up the phone and call mom. Don't you love the efficiency of God's funny little ways? Two-for-one forgiveness freedom!

Something to think about: Look for any places of unforgiveness in your relationships. How easy is it for you to ask for forgiveness from others or from God? How easy is it for you to forgive others, or even, God, if necessary?

Something to talk (to God) about: If you have found any areas of unforgiveness in your relationships, talk to God about it. You may not be ready to forgive, but that's O.K. Just ask God to move the process along. You may see you are in a chronic pattern of forgiving with a person and feel like you have already exceeded the biblical 7 x 7 of forgiveness. Ask God for His heart for that person and the grace to persevere in the forgiveness process.

*Not his real name.