Light Lenten Reflections

Week 3

Honestly.....!!!

Many years ago I heard a story about a bitter, angry woman who had had a hard life and ignored God, a God she felt wasn’t much of a God at all. This feeling was confirmed when her daughter was seriously injured in a car accident and was in a coma. On the way home from the hospital one evening, she stopped into a bar and had a few too many drinks. As she was driving home, a thunderstorm made it impossible for her to see, and she pulled over to the side of the road to wait it out. Angry at the storm, angry about her daughter’s condition, fueled by the alcohol, she proceeded to curse and yell and scream at God and tell Him exactly what she thought of Him. When she had finally worn herself out, a quietness came over her and she heard the words “This is the first time you have ever talked to me - and I love you”.

I'm not sure where I heard the story – a Christian radio station, probably – and I don't know how true it is, though it does ring with the authenticity of someone's conversion experience, but there are two takeaways from this story that have served me well in my times of talking to God. First, the woman's story shows that God seems to credit very unprayerlike rantings as prayer, as long as they're honest rantings, directed toward Him. I had always believed this to be true, but, still, it was good to hear that someone else talked to God honestly in a less than pious manner. Like the woman in the car, I've had my moments when my talking to God seemed anything but holy, but it was honest and real and directed toward Him. There have been prayer times when I've been angry at God and told Him as much, pointing out how I would have done things much differently in a certain situation if I were God. At other points in my life, a real “just do it” prayer time may have resembled two people sitting across the room from one another, one not unlike a belligerent 15 year old, sulky, silent and slouching, and the other, God.

The second takeaway from the woman's story has to do with the wonderfully awesome combination of the immensity and the holiness of God. Yes, God is a holy God, one deserving of our honor and praise and worship and respect and awe, but He is also a big and mighty God who created us and knows us in all our brokenness and sinfulness and imperfections. In the times we approach Him in that brokenness, sinfulness and imperfection, He is big enough and mighty enough to handle it – graciously, lovingly, tenderly, with His signature mercy. The reason I feel the woman's story rings true is God's response to the woman's rantings - “This is the first time you have ever talked to me - and I love you”. He acknowledges her first real attempt at talking to Him, fraught with all its anger and honesty and brokenness, and still can speak out His love for her. And so it is with us. When we approach Him in a less than “holy” way, He acknowledges our focus on Him and loves us through it.

In his book Walking with God Through Pain and Suffering, Timothy Keller takes a close look at Job, the biblical model of undeserved suffering. Job doesn't always express his feelings in a spiritually noble way, but God is very affirming of Job. Keller says:

But why would God be so affirming of Job? Job cursed the day he was born, challenged God's wisdom, cried out and complained bitterly, expressed deep doubts. It didn't seem that Job was a paragon of steady faith throughout. Why would God vindicate him like that?' The first reason is that God is gracious and forgiving. But the crucial thing to notice is this: Through it all, Job never stopped praying. Yes, he complained, but he complained to God. He doubted, but he doubted to God. He screamed and yelled, but he did it in God's presence. No matter how much in agony he was, he continued to address God. He kept seeking him. And in the end, God said Job triumphed. How wonderful that our God sees the grief and anger and questioning, and is still willing to say “you triumphed” - not because it was all fine, not because Job's heart and motives were always right, but because Job's doggedness in seeking the face and presence of God meant that the suffering did not drive him away from God but toward him. And that made all the difference. As John Newton said, if we are not getting much out of going to God in prayer, we will certainly get nothing out of staying away.*

Job sounds not unlike the woman in the car, his talking to God brutally honest, but nevertheless, directed toward God. Job and the woman in the car share, along with us, the acknowledgment of a sovereign God, the One we perceive could/should do something about our messy, broken, painful lives and our messy, broken, painful world. When He doesn't act, or when we can't see His actions, often so different from our expectations, we can bring our confusion and frustration to Him, and He will love us through it all anyway. Really. Honestly...

Something to think about: How comfortable are you with being honest before God? Can you go to Him in the midst of your anger and confusion, or do you avoid Him and wait until you feel “holy” enough to talk to Him? Are there any issues in your life right now that you are avoiding bringing before God?

Something to talk (to God) about: Talk to God about any of those areas you may have been avoiding or that you feel anger about because God hasn't acted the way you had hoped. Ask for the grace to be wholely/holy honest in your talking to God. If you are already an honest talker to God, thank Him for the freedom and love He has given you in this area.

*If any of this sounds familiar, I've quoted this passage before in another blog post about how to whine to God: https://marynapier.blogspot.com/2020/03/lightlenten-reflections-week2.html I'll probably quote it again. It's definitely worth repeating.