Compost, the Harbinger of Spring

It's been the third snowiest winter on record in our newest home state of Minnesota. It has been a persistently snowy April as well, with twelve inches of heavy wet snow on April 1^st, three more inches on the 16^th, and enough to cover the deck on the 22^nd. I suppose this persistent winter was why I was so excited last week to discover I had four buckets of lovely compost ready in the garage, just waiting to be added to my stock tank gardens on the back deck. Nothing shouts "Spring!" more than compost ready for the growing season.

I've always been a composter, with various piles and bins in each house we have lived in. In the early days of this blog, I published a post on composting in celebration of Earth Day. I've even had a compost pile be the selling point of one of our homes.* For years I had a decorative glass bowl sitting on the kitchen counter for coffee grounds, tea bags, vegetable scraps and other sundry organic matter waiting to be added to the outside compost pile as well as a vegetable garden into which the finished compost would make its way.

When we downsized from our last house to a townhome, I downsized my expectations of what vegetable gardening would look like, buying two 2 x 6 foot stock tanks to put on the back deck to plant all the vegetables I used to grow in the ground, just in smaller amounts. The stock tank vegetable gardens were a success, but I couldn't let go of the nagging thought that the soil wasn't good enough unless some homemade compost was involved.

In the middle of my first townhome growing season, Aldi, that purveyor of useful and often surprising seasonal items, had composters for sale. I had my doubts about it's usefulness. It was small, slightly below the minimum three cubic foot critical mass for good aerobic decomposition. But it was small and would fit in the garage, hidden away from our HOA. It was on a stand that allowed frequent tumbling, and it was inexpensive, becoming more discounted in the Aldi way the longer I procrastinated in my decision to buy one. I finally decided to give it a try, bought one, put it together and placed it in the corner of the garage.

Saving kitchen scraps for composting was such a long standing habit it was easy to slip right back into it. I found my decorative glass bowl for the kitchen counter and reverted to my scrap saving ways, though with some modifications. I opted not to add coffee grounds since our frequent coffee consumption would make for a very acidic compost which only a few of my garden vegetables would survive. Since the garage composter was small, I also decided to chop all scraps and garden debris into small pieces. Old floral bouquets that went from vase to compost pile now got cut into two inch pieces. I gave my visiting daughter a pair of scissors and a pile of end-of- season tomato and pepper plants and as well as old hostas and frost-killed annuals to cut up in bite size bits for quicker decomposition. Into the composter it all went.

Swiss chard, lettuce and peppers, Summer 2022

Roma and Patio Princess Tomatoes, Summer 2022

All that was needed now was some activator for the composting process. I've always used garden soil, but access to dirt is a challenge when living in a townhome. Our HOA religiously believes in landscaping fabric covered with decorative stones with an occasional shrubbery popping through. I do, however, have easy access to neighborhood trails that meander through woods and densely forested parks. I also have a husband that strives for 10,000 steps a day. All I had to do was provide him with a hand trowel, a sturdy ziplock bag for one of his walks and convince him that I just needed a few shovelfuls of dirt discretely taken from under the trees a few steps off the trail and into the woods. It was a bit harder than one might think. "Is this even legal?" I assured him that I'd come and bail him out if he got taken away for dirt stealing. I eventually got some nice humusy forest dirt and added it to my composter.

All fall and winter I continued to add organic matter and tumbled the contents with each addition. Yes, the compost did freeze – this is Minnesota – but the tumbling also allowed it to thaw quickly in the spring. About a month ago I stopped adding new material, putting the vegetable scraps in a temporary bucket in the garage, and continued to tumble the old compost for that month. Finally, not sure what I would find in the dark depths of the composter, I emptied its contents into a bucket and did it three more times for four buckets of beautiful black compost. Into the stock tank gardens it went, stirred into the existing soil. Soon after, I planted snow peas, spinach, purple top turnips and broccoli raab. Yeah, they did get snowed on by those late April snows I mentioned earlier, but cold weather crops that they are, they took it in stride and are now well above the ground and look happy in their composted soil. Ah, spring has truly arrived!

*For that story and more about my adventures in composting and how to build a compost pile, here's the blog post:https://marynapier.blogspot.com/2013/04/p-margin-bottom-0_22.html

So You Say You Want a Revolution...

One of the joys...and burdens...of my life is that I save everything, at least for a while. Oh yes, I go through periodic dejunking and clean out stuff whose time has come to move on to the trash or to become someone else's treasure. My home has always looked relatively neat, if you don't count the basement,* but I still keep a lot of things I've deemed too significant to let go. It's why there is a copy of a fifty-two-year-old Time magazine sitting in the "Truly Miscellaneous" folder in my file cabinet.

On June 21, 1971, Time Magazine's cover had a psychedelic portrait of Jesus Christ on it, the featured story titled "The Jesus Revolution". If it sounds familiar, you are probably one of those who saw the recent movie by the same name. The movie, which I've yet to see, tells in part the story of the Jesus Movement of the 1960s and 70s. My son saw the film and reported, "Hey, Mom! Your magazine is in this movie!" A peripheral part of the movie plot, so I'm told, is about the Time reporter doing research for the writing of this magazine article.

In April of 1971, I was a senior in high school. During Holy Week of that year I had had a profound and lasting encounter with God. Some would say I was saved, or became a believer or gave my life to the Lord. I probably would say that God/Jesus became real to me. It was a time in the the spiritual history of this country that all sorts of weird and wonderful things were happening to a lot people and churches, and I found myself in the midst of it.** I shared my experiences with a few of my high school friends and one of them, having a subscription to Time magazine, passed along the Jesus Revolution issue, thinking I'd be interested in it, "being into that kind of thing." That magazine became one of those items deemed too significant to let go.

After I heard about the Jesus Revolution movie from my son and several friends, I did a deep dive into the most likely spots that I may have stored the now vintage Time magazine. I found it, reread it and then took some snaps of the article. They may be a blast from the past for some, or a time traveling portal into the 1970s for others. They are posted below to read and enjoy.  

The last page of the article mentions an upcoming Catholic Charismatic Conference at Notre Dame that was expecting 3,000 attendees.  They underestimated - 6,000 people showed up.  I was one of them...

 (Click on an individual picture and it should open up in an enlargeable and readable format.  You may have to right click on the picture and open it up in a new window, but it will eventually be scrollable and readable.)

*If you want to read more on the blessing and curse of my saving tendencies, check out these two posts:

https://habanrus.blogspot.com/2023/03/written-from-heart-love-of-letters-part.html

https://marynapier.blogspot.com/2014/03/mentalshelving-myhusband-grew-up-in.html

** More details here: https://habanrus.blogspot.com/2023/04/haban-r.html

 

The Slippery Slope to Wordle

"Go ahead. Just try it. It'll be fun. And it will develop your mouse skills." It was another century, and my husband was trying to spark in me some interest in our first computer. He was always slightly ahead of both the curve and his peers when it came to technology. I, however, was downright Luddite when it came to adapting to such nonsense. So it was a brilliant idea to tempt me onto the new computer with a solitaire game. I did try it and it was fun. And it did develop my mouse skills. And it started me down a somewhat dubious slide toward always having some computer-generated game available to "take a break" from housework, homework, kid's sports or whatever was the main focus of my day during various stages of life. Eventually, I did see the advantages of word processing over a typewriter, and fully bought into computers when the internet provided unlimited knowledge online, whether it was really useful or not.

Over the years since, I've Tetrised shapes into solid blocks, had gorillas toss exploding bananas, and dropped many colorful circles into their appropriate places. Solitaire games grew in number and availability. Terrace, Forty Thieves, Spider and all their variations have been played at least once...O.K., a lot more than once... I've wasted much time, I'm sure, and dinner has sometimes been late, but I've also had a lot of fun. My mouse skills have grown into touch pad skills.* So here, in another century, I'm still at the keyboard, "taking a break" from writing or reading or housework or whatever I need a break from. The following are my top five break-taking games I've slipped into over the years:

#5 Wordle https://www.nytimes.com/games/wordle/index.html: "Do you play Wordle? No? Why not? You'd love it!" A conversation with my old college roommate prompted me to give it a try. I was already getting the New York Times email everyday and had tried their Spelling Bee and their Mini crossword. Couldn't hurt to try the Wordle...and that's how my most recent addiction started. I quickly developed my own set of rigid rules for playing – I use the same starter word every day; no sacrificial words, i.e., if a letter is in the right place it stays there, no words used with eliminated letters. Wordle fever spread and my husband started playing, developing his own set of rules. He tries to choose a topical starter word everyday. Bad winter weather? How about "snowy" as a starter? He goes the extra mile every day, keeping a spread sheet of his Wordle choices and then creates a Wordle "story" with his attempts which he emails out to a select group of Wordlers. A typical communique from last Tuesday, which also happened to be the mayoral election in Chicago:

#4 Solitaire: Here's where I started and here's where it's still fun to go. My husband put PySol Fan Club Edition on my latest computer and I'm embarrassed to say how many different Solitaire games I now have access to as well as types of Mahjongg. Many of the games are broken down into families. Like to play Forty Thieves? I do. There is a head-spinning number of variations on it. Same for Terrace and Spider and a dozen other solitaire families. Enter PySol Fan Club at your own risk.

#3 Numbrix: You may be familiar with the paper and pencil version of this game that appears in the Parade magazine insert of many Sunday newspapers. (Remember newspapers?) https://parade.com/numbrix/ is a 9 x 9 grid of 81 numbers you have to fill in to have numbers 1 through 81 snake through the grid in some kind of contiguous order. There is a new one every day. Some are easy, some are hard. Most are fun. There is a visual pay-off when you get it right at the end.

#2 Jigsaw puzzles: Like to do jigsaw puzzles? Yeah, I know, not really a game, but online jigsaw puzzles can be just as addictive as solitaire. www.jigsawplanet.com has a great collection of thousands of jigsaw puzzles. Don't like what you see? You can then take any photo of your own and turn it into a puzzle. Whether you use one of their images or one of your own, you can manipulate the puzzle by choosing eight different size puzzles up to 300 pieces, and choose one of eight different puzzle piece shapes, including straight-sided pieces, a real challenge. The default has the puzzle pieces in the correct orientation, or if you prefer to make yourself crazy, you can choose the rotation option and have a really, really hard puzzle. (I'm not that crazy...yet.) I enjoy doing the 300 piece mandala and geometric design puzzles, just the right amount of hard. Added bonus: Turn the sound on and there is a very satisfying click each time you put a puzzle piece in the right place. Like Pavlov's dog, it keeps you coming back for more.

#1 Kakuro: My all time favorite online game. (Sorry, Wordle friends...) Not Suduko, but a number game where you fill in numbers in squares so they add up to a certain designated number. https://www.kakuroconquest.com is the best kakuro site out there, which I found out recently when their website was down and I was forced...forced!...to try other kakuro sites. Kakuro Conquest allows you to choose the size of your puzzle and one of four levels of difficulty. This site also lets you put in multiple choices and eliminate them as you work through the puzzle. For those of you out there that are thinking "Math?! I didn't know there was going to be math!" this is more of a logic game than a math game, more about elimination than just adding numbers. Give it a try.

I've arrived at a stage of life when I probably have more discretionary time on my hands than ever before. While I try to use that time wisely, I still take breaks from my productive pursuits, justifying those breaks to myself in various ways. I tell myself I deserve a change, a mini vacation from my work. I tell myself I'm stimulating my aging brain. I tell myself I can listen to the news and do a jigsaw puzzle at the same time. If all else fails, I can tell myself I'm developing my mouse skills...still.

*I've never made the jump from playing games on computer to playing games on my phone. I don't want to slow down my phone with any more apps, and I have some finger mobility issues, so it just makes sense to stick to my laptop keyboard.

They say I'm lazy but it takes all my time 

- Life's Been Good by Joe Walsh

 

Light Lenten Reflections

Week 7

Hard Prayer

The best parenting advice I've ever received wasn't the easiest to wrap my mind around. A women I knew from church had heard a speaker at a workshop who imparted these words of wisdom. My friend passed it on to our small group. I may not have the words remembered exactly, but the message and intent was: You have to want what God wants for your children more than what you want for your children.

A simple, concise piece of advice, but I have picked it apart over the years to find out why I find this so difficult to fully embrace. God wants specific things for my children, good things, I assume. I want specific things for my children, good things, I hope. These specific things, God's and mine, may not be the same things. How does a parent figure out what God's specific things are when they differ from the parent's?

For each of my children there has been at least one life moment when I was pretty certain I could see what was best for that child, only to find that the child and God had something different in mind. Guess who was right? These times called for talking to God in a way that could only be described as hard prayer. Why hard? Because a big part of this type of prayer requires laying down my pride and personal wisdom and acknowledging before God that maybe He is right and I'm not, that He's God and I'm not. It's talking to Him in a way that says this is what I think needs to be done, should happen, must be the right decision, BUT, maybe I don't know everything, and if You have something else in mind that's better, because You see so much more about this situation than I do, then, O.K., we'll do it Your way. Like I said – hard prayer.

Hard prayer takes place in other areas of our lives besides child-rearing. We all face situations where we see God working for our ultimate good and the good of the lives of people around us, and we are, frankly, just not happy about. Why? Usually because things are happening not how we thought or expected they would happen and it's time to lay down our pride and personal wisdom again and to acknowledge that we, in fact, are not God. Fortunately for us, Jesus modeled hard prayer, and Matthew's gospel leaves us with a perfect blueprint of how to do it well. Jesus is in the garden of Gethsemane. He knows he is about to die. He knows that the great plan of salvation is about to unfold and it is going to cost him his life. And still, he is real and honest before his Father in heaven.

And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” And he came to the disciples and found them sleeping. And he said to Peter, “So, could you not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.” And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy. So, leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words again. - Matthew 26:39-44

If Jesus, who is fully man as well as fully God, can be so open in talking with His heavenly Father about his feelings about what the Father is doing, we should be confident that we can too. It’s O.K. to say “Father, I really don’t like that this is happening in my life right now. It's not what I wanted or expected. I think it stinks and I wish you would take it away. I know everything is possible for you, but I also know that you may have purposes here that I can’t see. Help me to want what you want more than what I want.”

Something to think about: Hard prayer is a close cousin to the real, honest prayer from Week 3. Review your honesty level with God. Are there situations in your life where things are not going the way you want them to and you suspect God has something else in mind? Do you feel comfortable coming before Him with these situations? In general, how attached are you to your expectations? Do you have the ability to let them go when necessary? Read Matthew 26:36-46 and meditate on how Jesus came to the Father in hard prayer.

Something to talk (to God) about: Ask God to give you the freedom to come to Him in all situations, but especially those hard ones that leave you confused and wondering about His plans for you. Ask for the desire to want what He wants for you more than what you want for you. Ask Him to bring to mind the times He has turned your plans or expectations upside down for your good. Thank Him for them.

 

Light Lenten Reflections

Week 6

Peeling Away the Music

“Mom? Do I sing good?” My younger self had been dancing around the house, singing loudly. I had sung solo in school for a second-grade music “test” about this time, and my teacher, Sister Joan Bernadette,* having briefly put her head down on her desk by the end of my performance, came up tiredly smiling, shook her head and declared music “tests” finished for the day. I had been puzzled at her reaction, and it led to the question I asked my mother. Mom, not an unkind person, but someone who held honesty in high regard, replied, “When it comes to singing, you draw beautifully.” The somewhat cryptic critiques of Mom and my second-grade teacher were further fleshed out in high school. We had to give a series of concerts in our mandatory tenth-grade music class, and as a practice would near a final performance, the nun in charge would declare certain singers were throwing the rest of the singers off key. Not wanting to embarrass anyone, she devised a system where she would walk among us during the final practice and discreetly tap certain singers on the elbow. If we got the tap, it meant that we were to silently mouth the words to the song during the concert performance. I always got the tap. It didn't bother me as much as it should have. By then, I had indeed proved I could draw beautifully, and I resigned myself to the fact that I would never be musical.

It was not long after this that God got hold of me, and I started to take my relationship with Him seriously. One of the first prayer groups I was involved with was made up of people similar to me in musical ability. The most musical among us owned a guitar, knew three cords and had been playing for a few weeks. This person was declared worship leader. We started our group with the few songs our guitarist was brave enough to attempt, and we sang as though we didn't sound terrible, which we did, and that God would love us anyway, which, of course, He did. We then moved on to worship God in other ways, meditating on scripture verses, ejaculatory praise, and times of intense silent adoration when the Holy Spirit's presence was so real I could believe if I reached out my hand into the silence I would touch Him. I have always thought it was God's mercy on me that He put me in that group early in my relationship with Him. I learned in those early days that if you peeled the music away from what is generally considered to be worship, you are still left with...Worship.

The simple dictionary definition of worship says it's the reverence and adoration for a deity, a.k.a. God. The early occurrences of the word worship in the Bible make no mention of music. Maybe biblical worship had singing or chanting or maybe “just” the reverence and adoration part. John's gospel states that God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth. Again, no mention of music. But worship is often so closely associated with music that we forget that it is something that can stand alone apart from it. When we attend a church's Worship Night, we expect musical worship. When we structure church services, we say whether worship comes before the sermon or after or both, but what we are really noting is where the musical and singing parts of the service will be. But worship, true worship, is an intimate form of talking to God, revering and adoring Him for who He is. It can take place in many contexts and forms, but it is that intimate connection with God that makes it true worship.

Worship can sometimes be hard to wrap our minds about. It's not like asking God for something, though answered prayers often bring us into worship. It's not quite being thankful, but thanksgiving is often a quick track to worship. It's not seeing a breathtaking sunset or marveling at a star-studded dark night sky, but those are surefire ways to make me want to adore and revere the One who is responsible for both orchestrating them and giving me the ability and opportunity to see them. Sometimes it can be a quiet time, more like sitting and keeping God company than actively talking to Him. And, yes, for many people, music can be a big part of how we worship God. For me, it's the lyrics of the song rather than the music itself that draws me into God's presence. If the music is loud enough I may be brave enough to venture to sing along, though I really need to hear a melody 30 times before my brain can sing the song, but adoring, revering, praising lyrics will bring me into a place of worship every time. It's why praying the psalms can be a powerful act of worship. David, writer of many of the psalms, was a musician and most likely had music entwined with his psalms, originally composing them as songs. We've lost the original melody, but the lyrics remain intact, and many of the psalms can be entry ways into God's presence when we worshipfully pray or meditate on them.

Anne Lamott has written a short book on three essential prayers. She entitled it Help, Thanks, Wow**. We tend to be good at asking God for what we need and most of us are good at thanking Him for what He has given us. But are we taking the time to praise and give Him glory for just being Who He is? Are we allowing ourselves the time and space to look around us and be amazed at His overarching presence in this world, in our lives? It is good to remember that God delights in our worship, our “Wow!” moments, with or without the music peeled away.

Something to think about: How much of your interaction with God is worship, the adoring, revering kind? Do you tend more toward asking and thanking when you talk to God? These are both good things, but if worshiping God for who He is rather than what He will do/has done for you is only a small part of your time with God, think about what things can draw you into worship more often.

Something to talk (to God) about: In your sit-down prayer time or in your NEAT prayer time this week be aware of opportunities to worship. Ask God to teach you or make you more mindful of how to come before Him in an attitude of adoration and reverence, how to see His amazing presence in your life. Ask Him for more opportunities to say “Wow!” to Him.

*Yep. The same Sister Joan Bernadette from Week 1 - “Prayer is just talking to God.” She had to put up with a lot.

**Just a warning: It's a book written for people who don't normally pray or who might not even believe in God.

 

Light Lenten Reflections

Week 5

NEAT Prayer

In the expansive world of fitness and exercise, there was an acronym that made a buzz awhile back. NEAT (for “Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis, if you must know) refers to the energy expended for everything we do that is not sleeping, eating or planned sports-like exercise. For example, twenty minutes rushing around Walmart trying to find where they keep the matches and birthday candles thirty minutes before a birthday party is NEAT activity. Twenty minutes jogging is not. One hour chasing after a toddler is NEAT activity. A one hour Jazzercise class is not. Six hours shopping for a homecoming dress with a very particular adolescent is NEAT activity. A six hour bicycle race is not. Yes, go for a run, take the class, enter a race, but look to increase the amount of NEAT movement in the course of one's daily routines rather than solely relying on set-aside times of focused exercise.

Some people are naturally better at getting NEAT activity than others. The Amish, who probably are unaware of the acronym, are the reigning champions of the NEAT world. As they go about their daily work and lifestyle routines, Amish men walk, on average, 18,000 steps per day, and Amish women, 14,000 daily steps, all without the benefit of exercise classes or sports teams. These are pretty impressive numbers for those of us in a Fitbit-obsessed culture, where 5,000 steps a day is the minimum number for fitness pretense and 10,000 steps the desired daily goal.

In Week 2 of Light Lenten Reflections, when I talked about Nike prayer, the “just do it” kind, I made it sound like we needed to find a specific time and space for talking to God, not unlike the physical exercise sessions we may carve out of our day. And we do need that specific time and place, to sit down and let the rest of the world go on without us, and just spend some one-on-One time talking with the One who knows us better than we know ourselves. But there is something to be said for NEAT prayer - “Now/Everywhere-Everything/Always/Talking”* Prayer. This is the prayer, the talking to God, that is ongoing during the course of our day. Ongoing, that is, if we recognize the need as it appears and take the time to bring it before God. Such prayer happens in the moment, in the “Now”, acknowledging that God is concerned about our “Everythings” and “Everywheres” (“Always!”) and we do it in our natural way of “Talking” to Him. The prayer itself can often be brief and comes from an emotional place of the moment. “Help, Lord,” when overwhelmed with a task at work or when in the middle of a strained conversation going downhill rapidly. “Thanks, Lord,” for that perfect parking spot that miraculously appeared when running late for an appointment. “Wow, Lord,” **upon seeing a beautiful sunset or hearing a warbler sing. Seeing a person in physical or emotional need can trigger an immediate intercessory moment, as can a highway accident or a television news story. Each of our days are filled with opportunities to encourage talking time with God apart from whatever sit-down time we make make for Him.

NEAT prayer, however, like NEAT exercise, can take some work and an adjustment of mindset, and there are those of us who are better at it than others. I confess that my reaction to prayer opportunities that arise in the course of the day is often “I'll pray about that, really talk to God about it thoroughly, when I sit down for my next quiet time.” And I may do that, but I would have missed interacting with God about that situation in the moment. The character of Father Tim in Jan Karon's Mitford stories models this type of ongoing prayer in the moment as he encounters people and situations in his community that need God's presence and intervention. He's a fictional character so it's easy for him, but Brother Lawrence was a real person and, similar to the Amish and their impressive step counts, is probably the reigning champion of NEAT prayer. A lay brother in a French Carmelite order during the 1600s, Brother Lawrence was recognized by his peers and superiors within the monastery as a person who exhibited the character of someone consistently walking with God. His abbott encouraged him to share the nature of his daily ongoing dialogue with God, and the resulting collection of writings, Practicing the Presence of God, is a spiritual classic. A more modern champion of NEAT prayer is Frank Laubach, a twentieth century American missionary who challenged others to attempt to “pray constantly” as encouraged in 1 Thessalonians 5:17. In his pamphlet “The Game with Minutes” he describes how he tried to keep God in mind in some way for at least one second of every minute of the day. Like Brother Lawrence, Laubach expressed the delight of a life spent consistently walking and talking with God throughout the day.

Trying to imitate Brother Lawrence or Frank Laubach can seem intimidating, and we may be a long way from talking to God in every minute of our day. Attempts at such prayerful intimacy is not for the faint-hearted, but it's an idea(l?) worth contemplating. If I sincerely believe that (wo)man was originally created to walk with God in a Garden, I must believe that God is particularly delighted with us when we talk with Him throughout our day, acknowledging His active presence in our daily walk whether asking for His intervention or just praising Him as we interact with His world around us. I think that's neat and I suspect God does too.

Something to think about: Examine your daily talking to God pattern. How much ongoing NEAT prayer is in your day? Do you save all your serious prayer for your quiet time? How often do you converse with God in the moment?

Something to talk (to God) about: Make a concerted effort to have more NEAT prayer in your day. Ask God to make you more aware of Him in the potential moments for praise and intercession. Going for a walk? Find three things in God's creation to thank and praise Him for. Watching the news? Ask God which situation you can bring to Him in prayer in that moment. Stop in the midst of a task just to say “Hey, Lord”.

There is not in the world a kind of life more sweet and delightful, than that of a continual conversation with God; those only can comprehend it who practice and experience it. ― Brother Lawrence

*Yeah, I had to work a bit to come up with that one.

**Credit to Anne Lamott whose book on three essential prayers is entitled Help, Thanks, Wow.

 

Light Lenten Reflections

Week 4

The Freedom of the Forgiven Forgiver

John was very, very angry with his brother.

Our prayer group was going through a book on forgiveness and had just finished looking at the chapter on forgiving those close to us. Because most of the books and studies we tackled in our group were just an excuse to open up areas we needed to pray about, it was not surprising that John* asked for prayer regarding the situation with his brother.

A few years earlier, after finishing a stint in the military, John's brother had disappeared. None of his siblings had heard from him, and, most troubling to John, his brother, the baby of the family, had not contacted their mother. She was sad and distraught over the long unexplained silence, worried that her youngest child might have come to serious harm. The longer the absence dragged on, the angrier John had become. He was angry at his brother for the pain he was causing their mother, seeing the brother as a thoughtless, immature child with no concern for the feelings of others. During our study on forgiveness, John was convicted of his anger and rotten attitude toward his youngest sibling. John asked for us to pray with him as he waded through the muck of his unforgiveness. As we gathered around John in prayer, he talked to God about his feelings for his brother, both good and bad. As he gave over all the negative feelings to God, asking God to forgive him, John then moved on to talking to God about forgiving little brother. By the end of the prayer time, John had a peace and lightness about him he hadn't felt for a long time. Good, we thought, John has truly received God's forgiveness for his attitude and has finally forgiven his brother. We all went home that night privileged to be witnesses to John's openness and determination to learn to forgive and be forgiven.

Well, as it happens with so many God-stories, this one wasn't over yet. When John returned to prayer group the following week, he was beyond excited. The day after John had prayed for God's forgiveness and the ability to forgive, little brother had called his mother. He told mom he had left the military wanting to find his own way in the world, apart from family. The longer he stayed away, the easier it was for him to remain detached. He had met a girl, married her and had a child. Could they all come home for a visit? Of course, mom-now-suddenly-grandmother said yes. Toward the end of the conversation, mom asked her prodigal why it had taken him so long to call, so long to contact anyone in the family. He acknowledged how much pain he must have inflicted on the family and then said, “I didn't think any of you would be able to forgive me.”

Forgiving and being forgiven, such a powerful twosome. When Jesus was teaching his disciples to pray, the forgiveness part of the Lord's Prayer reflects this duality. “...forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors...” - “...forgive us what we owe to you, as we have also forgiven those who owe anything to us...” - “...forgive us our sins, just as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us...” Choose your Bible translation, but each captures the “and” of being forgiven and forgiving. John had asked to be forgiven of his anger toward his brother. Receiving this gracious gift of God enabled him to forgive his brother. John's forgiveness of little brother, consciously unknown to him but spiritually communicated to him in ways that only God can fully explain, gave little brother the freedom to pick up the phone and call mom. Don't you love the efficiency of God's funny little ways? Two-for-one forgiveness freedom!

Something to think about: Look for any places of unforgiveness in your relationships. How easy is it for you to ask for forgiveness from others or from God? How easy is it for you to forgive others, or even, God, if necessary?

Something to talk (to God) about: If you have found any areas of unforgiveness in your relationships, talk to God about it. You may not be ready to forgive, but that's O.K. Just ask God to move the process along. You may see you are in a chronic pattern of forgiving with a person and feel like you have already exceeded the biblical 7 x 7 of forgiveness. Ask God for His heart for that person and the grace to persevere in the forgiveness process.

*Not his real name.